I recently took a staycation-vacation up in Hollywood Beach, Florida with my aunt. During my vacation, I had an epiphany. I am so negative. I never really thought I was. I thought my outlook was pessimistic, but nothing to get up in arms about.
Yet, here I was, in Hollywood, Florida, staring out the window overlooking the ocean, and in my head, I was complaining about something. I have this beautiful view, and all I could think about is what is wrong with the world/my life/people/etc.
People have called me negative before, but I never really saw it that way. I considered myself a realist. You know, if my professor typically rejects my first ideas in my paper, why would he just accept this one particular idea on this one particular day. I always prayed for the best, but expected the worst. It lessens the blow when a disappointing outcome does occur.
Still, when I consider my little amazing-view-but-bad-attitude scenario, I wonder, what’s up with that? I mean, maybe that’s what people mean when they say I’m negative. That I’m so consumed with these other thoughts that I cant enjoy the moment. Sometimes, I do enjoy the moment, but it just hasn’t been happening on the trip.
Don’t get my wrong, I am thankful for this trip, and I needed it badly. But it took a while for me to relax into it. Maybe it’s because I carry too much of the past around with me. I drag my outside life with me to a place where I’m supposed to relax and enjoy life.
I decided that I’m going to start meditating. Maybe more yoga too, but mostly meditating. That way I can deliberately focus on being in the moment and clearing my mind of any negative thoughts that float around.