I’m at a crossroads. I’m starting to feel like I don’t have any control over things in my life, and how I react will determine how my life moves forward.
I took my dog to the vet, waited an hour and ten minutes in the exam room for the assistant to look her over really quickly, and tell me she probably has an ear infection. Then, I waited another 20 for the doctor, who didn’t bother to feign an apology for taking unreasonably long. Actually, I was about to walk out the door when he showed up, told him so, and he didn’t seem to be interested. Quite frankly, I found him pretentious and rude. He told me I should have expected such a long wait. I love how they make you wait for hours, spend a total of 10 minutes with you and your pet, and manage to charge you 90 dollars. No one bothered to tell me the price of things, or what procedures they recommended. I am reeling. I am shaking. I am so angry.
Both myself, my boyfriend and my dog have been getting sick. I feel like this is saying something. Something bigger than just life and allergies. My mom says when you neglect your spiritual health it starts to affect your body. The way things have been going, I can believe that. I’ve really been trying my best, you know, to live the slow life. I’ve been taking it easy in traffic and trying not to overwhelm myself when the world goes awry. (Did I mention that last night was a full a full moon? I always feel a weird vibe in the air when there is a full moon.)
I feel like I’m at a crossroads where I can freak-out and lose my cool, or put on my big girl pants and move forward. Right now, I don’t know how to move forward. I want to scream and cry and pout and curl into a ball. My puppy is sick and I don’t know how to make it better holistically (yet). I went to the eye doctor for trouble seeing at night, and they said a stronger prescription wouldn’t help me… but that doesn’t change the fact that my vision is still blurry. I’m still waiting to find out if my thesis will be approved. I don’t know how to fix these things, because everything seems to be in flux. It is so frustrating.
I have to renew my faith, and focus on things bigger than myself. If I sit here and focus on these problems where I have no control I’m going to lose it. I’m going back to the drawing board.